Let’s start this article on Loving Yourself with two quotes that say it all: “Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”, from Lucille Ball and “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”, from Rupi Kaur. Many articles on self-love (Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, Very Well Mind and Heart of Leadership), indicate that caring about you is key to staying well, both mentally and physically.

Self-love, self-caring and self-compassion, call it what you will, cannot be underestimated. It is not some silly way of talking about how you feel about yourself and it is not being conceited. It should be a constant reminder that we are fallible, but valuable. We may never be perfect, but that does not, at all, diminish our potential and our ability to influence others.

The antithesis of self-care is probably self-criticism, also known as negative self-talk. This happens most often when we miss the mark of perfection in our relationships, in our work efforts, and in our daily goals. Everyone reading this has probably participated in some denial of positive self-value at one time or another; and some of us find that our inner voice often denigrates us more than lifts us.

Finding ways to reduce negative thoughts about you and your worth to family, friends, and workplace is important in many ways. Thinking that perfection is the only acceptable route for you is stressful, because it is not achievable. Stress alone is linked to digestive conditions, pain-related syndromes, depression, anxiety, and devastating disorders like heart disease and cancer. Combine a consistent barrage of self-hating thoughts and behaviors and you have the perfect storm for illness of all kinds.

So quit it! Quit feeling and thinking in such negative tones about you. Oh, if it were only that easy! This is definitely one of those baby-steps situations. Some of us have such a negative view of ourselves and have “spoken” badly to ourselves for so long that it will be a difficult (but not impossible) habit to break. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin with a positive outlook and acceptance of mistakes that humans can make. Basically, you deserve to be happy just being you. Get it? That is the essence of self-love, self-care and self-compassion.

There are 5 skillsets that people who have self-love work hard to cultivate. These skills can change the course of negative self-worth when utilized overtime (David Fletcher, Kelly McGonigal and Susan B. Kemp). These resilience-based skills are:

1. Problem solving: Key self-love strategists do not have to solve every problem. In fact, the best solutions are those that have multiple views and options available. That can only happen when perfectionism is set aside and others are invited to share in a task and many opinions become viable. Sharing problems with others also creates relationships and relationships are number 2 on this list!
2. Social competence and relationships: Developing solid friendships, family connections, and work engagements lead to self-love as you model to others how you want to be treated. Being kind, being patient and being sincere leads to successful interactions and good feelings about your capability in terms of both giving and caring.
3. Sense of Future: People who experience self-love are those who look forward to the next adventure. Depression and anxiety, the feelings that take away our sense of wonder, are often kept to a minimum when we have a good sense of our self and of our potential future.
4. Sense of Humor: Self-compassion means that we forgive ourselves for things not done well and look to make changes the next go-round. Being able to laugh at our foibles; being aware of our weaknesses and not always taking ourselves too seriously is like a valve releasing pressure. Humor and an ability to step back and enjoy the moment is a real healer of our mental and physical selves. Find jokes, comedians, books and people that are fun and make you laugh. A smile alerts your mind and body to positivity. Some researchers even say that you should walk straight to a mirror and smile when you are having a bad moment in your day. Change the way you are thinking and feeling by seeing yourself in a different light.
5. Find a mentor: Who do you admire? Who just by being near, makes you feel relaxed? Who can you be with and just be you? Who is honest with you in a kind and genuine manner? Find this person, let them know that you feel they can teach you about yourself and can influence and impact you in a positive way. Rely on this person to help you stay positive about you and to help you find self-love.

Overall, just pay attention to achieve self-love. Listen to what you are thinking and feeling and watch how you behave with others. Seek kindness. Be caring. Help others.

You will find that baby steps toward learning to think lovingly of you and paying attention to the messages you give others will go a long way to finding the happiness you deserve. Loving yourself really does improve mental health.

If you are in need of additional support, please contact Silver Oaks Behavioral Hospital for a no cost, confidential assessment. We are here for you 24 hours a day, every day, at (844) 580-5000.

It is hard to understand the wonder and excitement others feel during the holiday season when all you feel is lonely. If this is how you feel, please continue reading. These feelings are not to be taken lightly. At the very least, you need to understand why you may feel this way.

Although we often think that it is lonely widowers who experience the holidays as less than joyful because of living alone and missing a spouse/partner, younger people are equally at risk. In this time of online support, the feelings of family, friends and face to face social engagement may be missing; causing loneliness to set in.

Things get pretty gloomy when you just can’t seem to feel content. It is especially hard when offers by friends to connect just make you want to dig deeper and isolate further. It is a cycle of wanting to be social, but avoiding it and not understanding why.

Part of why is that Covid changed how and where people have face to face interactions. Some coffee shops, libraries, and shopping centers are still closed to sit-down-and-visit areas. This limits social interaction for some. Social media posts are always happy and focus on how easy and wonderful life is, making anything less feel awful. Our work lives, in general, can be all-encompassing and there just seems to be less time for being with others. With all of these reasons for not being social, it’s no wonder isolation, as bad as it feels, might seem like the best choice. The holidays can be hard!

In addition to the external issues causing isolation, the holiday blues can drive you to pull away and be less social. Memories of hurtful holidays, times of trauma, lost loved ones and financial worries can intensify stress and loneliness.

Sometimes, even being around others on the holiday intensifies loneliness. When relationships are shaky or arguments occur and expectations are set too high, you can certainly feel like you just don’t fit in. It can also hurt when feelings of loneliness are discounted because you have friends and a family who are with you during the holidays.

So you know that the holidays are tough and you know that feelings of loneliness and isolating from others are a part of your holiday experience, what can you do? Here are some suggestions that may help get you through the rough spots:

1. Start with the basics: eat well, exercise, drink water, refrain from too much alcohol (which is a depressant), and engage in meditation or faith-based readings or gatherings.
2. Make mental lists of difficult people that you know you must see, but cause negative feelings to arise. Can you shorten the time you spend with them? Can you plan for benign conversations like movies, books, or community evens? Can you stay away from hot topics like politics or family gossip?
3. There are some people who just seem to be like fresh air. Who are these people? Are they available to help you “catch your breath”? Even a phone call can help.
4. Engage in your community. It is well known that giving lifts spirits and moods. Who in your community can use some support during the holidays? Be that support. Try food banks, hospitals or shelters (pets or people!).
5. Do something that you enjoy (and don’t feel guilty about it).

If you find that you just can’t seem to shake feelings of loneliness and you find yourself pulling away from others, maybe the holidays have exacerbated a more long standing condition like depression or anxiety. Please don’t think you have to go at it alone. Your behavioral health team at Silver Oaks Behavioral Hospital is here to help. One call to (844) 580-5000 will help you schedule a level of care assessment. Free and confidential, this assessment will point you to the level of support that you need. Just call. You are not alone. We can do this together.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

One day things seem fine. The next day you get a call from your doctor that something was amiss on your mammogram requiring a diagnostic look at what might be going on. The rest is a blur of tests and conferring with your doctor about options for your specific type of breast cancer. You didn’t even know there was more than one kind of breast cancer.

If you have ever experienced breast cancer, “emotional roller coaster” doesn’t even begin to describe the range of emotional turmoil a breast cancer diagnosis can bring. Feelings of fear, anxiety and depression are probably at the top of the list, but feeling alone and confused can add to the stress and emotional upheaval. Cancer diagnoses, of any kind, produce an array of mental health concerns.

Fear of the unknown; the “what’s next” of cancer is a genuine worry. The fears can relate to the kind of treatment options, the costs involved, the impact on your appearance, future health and the future, in general, and how to interact with family and friends in your new role as a cancer patient.

Many challenged with a cancer diagnosis don’t seek support. Many hesitate to tell close friends and family and go for months without support.

If you have received a diagnosis of cancer, know that this Breast Cancer Awareness Month, with the right support, may be a time of both personal discovery and recovery. Please let the team at Silver Oaks Behavioral Hospital be the difference for you.  One call for a free assessment can be what you need to determine the level of mental health care that can reduce your fears and help you feel more in control. You don’t have to go through it alone. We will help you 24/7/365. It’s what we do. Just call us Toll-Free at 844-580-5000.

Showing kids how to talk about feelings is a good first step toward protecting their mental health.

By Denise M. Baran-Unland

Just two years ago, common belief often held that COVID-19 was a temporary blip on life’s radar, that temporary public life shutdowns, or a vaccine, or the right treatments would make the virus go away for good.

Now it appears that COVID-19 is here to stay. The pandemic has become endemic.

How do adults best prepare today’s youth to thrive in that new reality? What if some form of COVID-19 might be in our lives for the long term?

In July 2021, mental health experts from Yale said the way COVID-19 affected kids was unprecedented. Every child was affected, although every child didn’t have the same experience. How kids fared mentally and emotionally was partly dependent on temperament, genetics and family support, Yale mental health experts said.

High school grads this spring walk into a world unlike the one they faced as freshmen.

Also, in July 2021, the return to in-person learning was on the horizon and some felt that the return of routine and normalcy might dispel some of those mental health struggles.

But if 2021 proved anything, it’s that the world did not return to pre-pandemic normal. Mitigations went up and down; guidelines for quarantine and isolation were modified; and new variants appeared – raising new concerns and questions where no one had clear and concise answers.

If adults are struggling to adapt to an uncertain post-pandemic world, how can they help kids feel safe and secure amid all the uncertainty?

But hasn’t the world always been a place of uncertainty?

As far back as 1954, author Mary Reed Newland discussed how parents wrestled with making the world safe for their kids. Newland told the story in her book “We and our Children” about a couple who told their children the family had lots of money in its savings account; so the kids would feel secure.

Except – financial trouble knocked on their door and the couple actually had no bank account.

So what’s the answer?

One “big lesson” people learned from COVID-19 is to talk about mental health more, April A. Balzhiser, counselor and program director at Silver Oaks Behavioral Hospital in New Lenox, said.

Balzhiser said people, including children, who struggled with mental health before COVID-19, struggled with it more during COVID-19 – and so did people who never seemed to have had a mental health care in the world.

Yet the more people struggled, the more people talked about mental health and the need for more available and easily accessible resources, she said. So as COVID-19 transitions from pandemic to endemic, it’s important to keep that conversation going, she said.

This is where adults should lead the way, she said.

“We need to have open conversations with our children [about feelings] so that it’s OK and safe to talk about them,” Balzhiser said.

It’s normal for people – kids and adults – to experience many feelings each day, Balzhiser said. When parents are comfortable sharing their feelings, kids can feel comfortable discussing theirs, too, Balzhiser said.

Too often, parents never realize their kids are struggling until a crisis occurs, Balzhiser said. These are not “mean parents” or “bad parents” but parents who simply didn’t know, she said.

That’s partly because mental health concerns in children remain so stigmatized, she said. And partly because of an expectation that once kids returned to their usual routines, their mental health struggles would vanish.

But the return brought its own challenges.

“Kids were being jumped right back into sports and programing at school; they were no longer doing Zoom,” Balzhiser said. “That worked very well with some kids and others struggled with that.”

Nevertheless, kids are resilient across the board, Balzhiser said. But they are also sponges, she said. And they absorb what’s happening around them, she said.

They pick up on their parents’ uncertainty and concern. And it’s OK for parents to say they “had a hard day today” or that they’re feeling stressed, Balzhiser said.

“I think, again, that being able to talk about what we can control, and normalizing that it’s uncertain for everyone, and we work with the things we can do in our day-to-day lives, can lead to much bigger discussions, so it doesn’t become overwhelming,” Balzhiser said.

So what are the signs their kids are struggling with their mental health?

“The best thing is just to trust your gut,” Balzhiser said. “We know when something is off with our children.”

The National Institute of Mental Health offered these signs: frequent tantrums and/or frequent and intense irritability, talking about their fears and worries; frequent stomach aches and headaches with no known medical cause; hyperactive behavior; nightmares, daytime sleepiness; sleeping too little or sleeping a great deal; disinterest in social activities, academic struggles or decline in grades; reacting out of fear.

In addition, teens might engage in risky or self-harming behaviors; drink alcohol, smoke or use drugs; diet or exercise obsessively; believe they are hearing things others do not, feel as if someone is controlling their minds; and have thoughts of suicide, according to the NIMH.

Balzhiser said not to dismiss mood changes in teens as normal adolescent behavior. Encourage teens to talk; ask the hard questions, she said. And take them to a mental health professional if you are concerned, she said.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in a 2021 study, 37.1% of high school students experienced poor mental health during the pandemic. And in the 12 months before the survey, 44.2% persistently felt sad or hopeless, 19.9% had seriously considered taking their life, and 9% had actually tried.

“It’s better to be safe than sorry,” Balzhiser said.

OVERALL:

• Nearly 1 in 5 American Adults will have a diagnosable mental health condition in any given year.
• 46% of Americans will meet the criteria for a diagnosable mental health condition sometime in their life, and half of those people will develop conditions by the age of 14.
• Number of US Adults with Mental Illness is 44 million.
• Percentage of US Adults with Mental Illness is 18%.

ANXIETY:

• Lifetime prevalence of any Anxiety Disorder is 31.6%.
• Number of US Adults with Anxiety Disorder is 42.5 million.
• Anxiety Disorders are among the most common Mental Illnesses in America.

DEPRESSION:

• Major Depression is one of the most common Mental Illnesses.
• Percent of US Adults with Major Depression is 7.1%.
• Number of US Adults with Depression is 17.3 million.
• Percent of Youth (aged 12-17) with Major Depression is 13%.
• Number of Youth (aged 12-17) with Major Depression is 3.1 million.
• Percent of Youth with Severe Depression is 9%.
• Number of Youth with Sever Depression is 2 million.

BIPOLAR DISORDER:

• Past year prevalence of Bipolar Disorder is 1.8%.
• Number of US Adults with Bipolar Disorder is 3.3 million.
• An estimated 2.5% of US Adults experience Bipolar Disorder at some time in their lives.

ADDICTION/SUBSTANCE USE DISORDER:

• Percent of US Adults with Substance Use Disorder in the past year is 8%.
• Number of US Adults with a Substance Use Disorder in the past year is 19 million.
• Percent of Youth with a Substance Use Disorder in the past year is 4.6%.
• Number of Youth with a Substance Use Disorder in the past year is 1.1 million.

POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD):

• Percent of People (ages 13+) in US with PTSD (lifetime prevalence) 5.7%.
• Percent of people (ages 13+) in US (one year prevalence) 3.7%.
• Number of US Adults with PTSD is 12 million.

SCHIZOPHRENIA:

• Percent of US Adults with Schizophrenia is 1%.
• Number of US Adults with Schizophrenia is 1.5 million.

SUICIDAL THOUGHTS:

• Percent of US Adults with Suicidal Thoughts is 4%.
• Number of US Adults with Suicidal Thoughts is 9.8 million.

TREATMENT:

• Percent of Adults with Mental Illness who did not receive any mental health treatment is 56%.
• Number of Adults with Mental Illness who did not receive any mental health treatment is 24.5 million.
• Percent of Adults with Mental Illness who report they try and cannot get treatment is 20.6%.
• Number of Adults with Mental Illness who report they try and cannot get treatment is 9 million.
• Percent of Youth with Depression who did not receive any mental health treatment is 61.5%.
• Number of Youth with Depression who did not receive any mental health treatment is 1.8 million.
• Percent of Youth with Severe Depression who received some consistent treatment is 25%.
• Number of Youths with Severe Depression who received some consistent treatment is 505,000.
• Ratio of Individuals in a state to available mental health providers is 504 to1.

Resources:

1. MHA – The State of Mental Health in America
2. NIH – Schizophrenia
3. NCBI – PMC
4. SAMHSA